Truer words have never been spoken, and often when listening to that song I wonder if KT is secretely a medical student.
Doctors are known for being calm and cool in a crisis. That is what we are good at. Especially ER doctors. Because no one wants a doctor who runs screaming down the hallway when something happens. We have to keep our heads about us, gain control of the group, and take charge to solve whatever problem may have come our way. All of us have that skill. In fact, I think on every medical school application or in every interview, a soon to be medical student says "I'm great in a crisis. I thrive off stress."
And it is true. In a real life crisis, I am fantastic. Building burning down? I'll get everyone to calmly leave the place, maybe even throw a kid over my shoulder and get them out of there. I was a resident assistant in college, I could break up any crazy party that was going on. Road side motor vehicle accident? A doctor will go right in there and get to work. If something huge is going on, I know how to pull myself together, take control, and go fix whatever needs fixing, or at least keep my cool well enough to be of some assistance to whomever is in charge.
But it's those little things that we medical students can no longer handle. If I can find the pair of shoes I wanted to wear in the morning, I will trash my room looking for them, never find them, lay down on my bed sobbing about how my day is ruined, and not be able to function for the rest of the day. Got a speeding ticket? My life is ruined! Why does God hate me?
I actually have always been this way, I have cried over lost insurance cards, cursed my fate over taking the wrong exit, and wondered how I could possibly survive now that we are out of apples this week and there is no time to go to the grocery store. In my head it is all perfectly rational, becuase I spend the majority of my day keeping it together and playing it cool, working off the stress and getting things done, but once something goes wrong, it all goes wrong. And if it isn't a full blown emergency, I can't deal with it. Everything gets immediately blown completely out of proportion. The term "fuck my life" is not enough to cover it. My iPod battery would run out some morning so I couldn't listen to lectures in my car on the way to school, and therefore I would cry all the way to school, lamenting over how much my life sucks and how no one can possibly understand it. Stuck in a traffic jam? You can garauntee that I'll be screaming at the top of my lungs obscenities that would make a sailor blush.
And then, I pull myself together, feel like an idiot as I find the pencil I was frantically searching for has in fact been in my hand the entire time, take a couple of deep breaths, and move on with my life as if nothing has happened. People who witnessed the fury stand back, afraid to move, worried that I may attack again. I completely lose my shit, and I'm always mortified by my behavior later, but by golly at the time it seems perfectly justified. My world comes crashing to the ground because I can't get my computer to plug into the wall. I forgot my water bottle at home, how will I drink water today?
The more stress that comes into our lives, the less we can handle. It used to be that we thrived off stress, but on the stress-o-meter we have crossed a special line from "thriving" amount to "going ape-shit" amount. And after a certain point, that is where we live. We have so much stress in our lives and we don't even realize it until we go completely bananas over something small. I can't get my bottle of gatorade open, so now I can't work out, so now I'm going to get fat and have a heart attack and die. My life is ruined.
You think I'm joking, and I know you are all laughing as you read this, but sadly, this is my life. So I just have to warn you, if you see me searching frantically in my bag for something, walk away. I've probably lost my wallet at the bottom of it AGAIN and the water works are about to start. You can't do anything unless you grab my backpack from me and find my wallet. And I will just be embarassing myself in front of you. So seriously, slowly walk the other way, don't make eye contact, and maybe, just maybe I won't lose control in front of you.
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