We try all we can to convince ourselves that our problems aren't that big and that we shouldn't be upset about things. I'm a medical student, I'll say. How can I equate my problems with real problems? Tests, studying, hating school, all of that is nothing compared to real people's problems right? So why am I so upset about everything? Why do I hate my life so much? Really there is nothing wrong with it. I've got a great opportunity ahead of me. I'm not starving, I'm not crippled, I'm not looking for work, I'm not really suffering in any way. I should be happy. I shouldn't complain. In fact, telling people my problems makes me feel even worse about them, because I listen to how stupid they are and wonder why i'm even upset about such things.
But the truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter at all why you are upset about something, it just matters that you are upset. It doesn't matter how stupid something is, or how juvenille things have become. Trying to convince yourself that you shouldn't feel bad about something only makes you feel worse about it. And what makes it the worst is that you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it, and it just starts to eat you up inside.
Why can't we all just openly admit that we feel like crap most of the time? why do we have to pretend that we love everything and have no problems? Why do we have to pretend that everything is okay? Why isn't there anyone out there telling us that things are okay? Or at least that it is okay for us to feel this way. Tell us that it doesn't matter what our problems may be, or how small they may seem, just the fact that we have problems is okay and we don't have to explain them away.
We should be facing our problems, and facing the fact that we all hate things every once in awhile, or always, whichever it may be. And that is okay.
Every day we wake up, we feel like crap, and we keep going. We keep the faith and hope that one day everything is going to be better tomorrow. Somedays we really can't believe that is true, and we have no reason to believe that it may be true, becaue things keep feeling like crap no matter what we do. And nothing makes it better, and thinking about how our problems really aren't that big of a deal doesn't make them go away.
So what can we do? how can we make things better? Maybe by just admitting that things aren't perfect, and finding someone that we can talk to about the little things. Because it's all the little things that build up, making us all feel crazy on the inside. None of the good stuff matters when all we can feel is inadequate, unloved, and unhappy. Life doesn't stop for us because we are on our way to becoming doctors. We still have all the same old crap to deal with. Dating, family, friends, drama coming from every direction. It just adds up onto the feelings of not being satisfied with where we are in life, wondering if any of it is worth it. And it doesn't just happen to medical students. Everyone out there feels bad about something, hates something about their lives, has woken up one day unexplicably upset about something, feeling depressed. And most of us try to push it off, pretend it doesn't exist. Pretend that it doesn't matter that much, or that we shouldn't be upset about it. But the truth of the matter is, no matter what you are feeling, you have a right to feel that way. And that's the best advice I can give to anyone out there. Don't hide your feelings behind more feelings of guilt for feeling the way you do. Just feel. Let it out. Find someone to talk to. Don't listen to yourself when you are talking to them, so you can't tell yourself you're being stupid.
It's okay to be upset. It is okay to be depressed. It is okay to be sad. It doesn't matter what the reason is. You don't have to suck it up and move on. Sure, you have t ocontinue living your life and make sure you don't let it all get to you, but being an adult is not about feeling good all the time. It's not about making all the right decisions. It's about knowing that if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you're eventually going to get there.
My problems sometimes seem so insignificant that I can't even believe I waste time thinking about them, let alone going to therapy to talk them out with someone. But the more I think about them, the more I realize that it really is the little things in life that have the biggest weight in my life, and if I can't learn to deal with those, if I can't find it in myself to recognize that there is a problem, and that I shouldn't be ashamed of the problem, I'm never going to be able to get over it, no matter how hard I try to push it out of my mind or out of my life.
The only reason I know to do this is because someone once told me it didn't matter why I was depressed. It only mattered that I was depressed and that I should work on taking care of it. I didn't not deserve to be treated for depression just because I was a medical student and I'm overwhelmed with school and really it is no big deal. That is total bullshit. It doesn't matter why, but it does matter. So don't hide your feelings. And don't ever tell someone to get over their feelings. But be honest with each other, and find someone you can share with, who you can trust, you won't make you feel like the biggest asshole in the world for being upset about a date that went wrong while there are natural disasters around the world ruining people's lives. If you can't find someone like that, come talk to me. I'll be there for you.
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