Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Can I be a doctor if blood makes me queasy?

I often feeling like I'm a fake medical student. All the other medical students are so excited about hands on training and getting to do procedures and all that jazz. I enjoy the occasional procedure. But really, I'd rather just listen to hearts and lungs and people's problems all day. If I could be a psychiatrist and cardiologist at the same time, I would. but I can't be a psychiatrist because I don't deal well with other crazies and I like my stethoscope too much.
What I do not like, is blood. I used to have all kinds of ways of justifying it. we'd be watching a gory movie and I would just say I didn't like the way it was portrayed, or that it was different in real life, or something. But when it comes right down to it, I'm just kinda squeamish. And I feel that that does not bode well for my future as a physician. I literally turn my head any time a television show or movie shows blood and guts. I do not think it is cool. I do not enjoy looking at it. But somehow I want to be a doctor. Hmmmm.
I thought I was getting over my crazy dislike of blood. when I lived in Jordan I almost passed out one day in the ER because there was this person with a huge gash in his hand and the doctor was like digging a probe in it to show me the tendons and everything. But I hadn't had a similar episode since starting school. Turns out that is probably because I haven't been around bleeding people since starting school. Sounds strange, since I work in hospitals. But except for the occasional blood draw, I really didnt have that much contact with blood. So I foolishly convinced myself I'd gotten over that fear.
Wrong. Monday I was watching a skin biopsy, again of the hand, of this little old lady. The doc was taking a chunk of her skin to send to pathology to see if it was cancer. I was going find until he was done, and she was spewing blood (or just leaking a little) and he was showing me the tendon again (maybe it's the tendon I'm scared of?) and then felt like I was going to pass out. I managed to play it off pretty well, he didn't notice, but I felt sick the rest of the day.
Then the next day, when I'm finally starting to feel better, he tells me that another patient is coming in for a skin biopsy of her nose the next day and I could do it. Any other medical student would have been so excited to get that chance. Not this one. My first thought was "holy crap how do I get out of this?" But throughout the day I slowly resigned myself to the fact that unless I wanted to be unfairly judged, I had better pretned to be excited about this. So this morning, full of terror at 1) mangling some poor old woman's face and 2) passing out, I brought a tomato to work to practice, under the direct supervision of the doctor.
After watching me work my magic on the tomato, the doc said "I think for this one I'm just going to let you see one." Awesome shot to the self esteem. But, I was happy, although I will admit slightly bummed, that I didn't have to do it. I just watched. And for some reason, the blood didn't bother me today, good news. And just as I'm getting out of there thinking how lucky I am, the doc tells me someone else needs a biospy later and that one will be all mine.
Who was it? A nurse at the doc's office who had WATCHED ME DESTROY THE TOMATO. Apparently she has no fear, and really believes in teaching students, because she let me go to town with her skin. Hacked off a nice slice of it, and it bled like crazy, and my hands were shaking, but I didn't pass out. But, I honestly don't want to do another one, ever again in my whole life.
What can I say? I don't like procedures. I think that makes me weird, abnormal, not cut out to be a doctor, but that's just the way I am. I have no interest in sticking people or cutting them up or removing things from them or inserting things into them. My personal nightmare: knowing one day I may have to remove someone's toe nail. I might vomit all over them, that shit is gross. I would rather a patient vomit on me, to be honest, that doesn't bother me at all.
Eventually I'll be able to find a career that involves only those things I like: my stethoscope, looking in people's ears, looking in their eyes, talking to them about their problems. I don't think I'm going to be in a position that involves a lot of cutting, blood, guts, etc. But until I get to that point, I have to put on my brave face and pretend I really enjoy making other people bleed so that I can stop their bleeding. It's going to be a long couple of years...

12 comments:

  1. I have a similar problem, i want to be a doctor but everytime i see blood i pass out. im not scared of blood or anything gory, i just pass out for no reason. I went to the doctors with my girlfriend cause she had a boil that needed to have an incision and i tried to watch the whole procedure and i ended up having a vasovagal episode ( passed out). I dont know how to over come this because I need to be able to deal with small surgeries such as the ones you mentioned.

    I watched a few youtube videos of physicians making incisions or any small operations and I am having a hard time imagining me being there or even doing the procedure on my own

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  2. I'm thinking of getting into the Health field, and becoming a R.N. or a Med Doctor. I have family who are in the Health field and they keep saying to me (cause I am somewhat afraid of blood) to just get through the program, then your home free because you can choose the field you want to go into (blood free field for me). I'm listening to them, I'm going to go for what I want to do and that's to work in the Health field. My fear of blood has been lowing every year, someday I know I won't be afraid of it anymore.

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  3. Hey! So what happened to you guys? Did you make it through? I'm a first year med student with the same problem and am seriously considering quitting. I can't imagine having to suffer through 3rd and 4th year AND a residency of rotating through all types of specialties just to get to psych or family med...

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    1. Hey! I am still alive, about to graduate I hope, and don't want you to quit. Hopefully this reply gets to you. I don't want to give you blanket statement advice about how you should stick it through and it'll all be worth it blah blah because quite honestly, I don't know. I'm going into psych and I'm super excited about it.
      email me: Kamleh.shaban@gmail.com and we will hash it out!

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  4. I'm just coming to the end of my first year at med school (UK), so four more year to go..
    i HATE blood. My boyfriend just showed me a cut on his foot and i had to lie down on the floor because i thought i was going to pass out. I saw a surgery on a woman's arm which had been mauled by a dog and i had to leave the operating room because i felt so ill.
    i have four more years left, then two more years training as a junior doctor. how am i going to manage?!

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  5. I am a doctor now. I used to be so scared of blood and needles. I have learnt to deal with it. You just become more and more used to it and it does not bother me much any more. When you are working you are so busy that you don't have time to think about being scared! Keep going! You will be fine!

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  6. I feel the same way. Blood I can handle but procedures are my downfall.. anything that involves cutting into someone. Putting things in, taking things out, and sharp and pointy things all in all make me want to pass out. I matched into psych too!

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  7. I have this great opportunity to go to a third world country to practice medicine but I am soooo scared that I'll pass out at the sight of drawing blood or a surgical procedure. I feel like this trip could make me stronger or be a complete waste of money. I mean its always been my dream to get to medical school but I'm afraid that my fears will stop me from getting there . Does anyone have any advice?

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    1. Go. Go now. It doesn't matter if you end up hating the trip and it is a waste of money, you'll always wonder if you don't go. I went to Guatemala in medical school. Hated every second of the trip except when I was just traveling around. Spent crazy money on that trip. But I would have hated myself for not going. And as much as I felt miserable at the time, I learned a lot about myself. You can survive medical school and hate blood/gore. You learn to compartmentalize it. You'll be fine! Have fun! The worst that can happen is you'll figure out you aren't a third world person. Some of us just can't handle it. Might as well try!

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  8. I'm 14. I am still in my first semester of high school and I really want to be a doctor for some reason. my dad told me I wouldn't make it because I don't like blood. he's never supported me. when I was 5, I told him I wanted to be a singer or and actor, he told me I wouldn't make it. when I got older, about 11, I told him I wanted to be a scientist preferably an astronomist. then when I was about 12 or 13 I told him I wanted to work in the government. he told me I wouldn't make it. he always says he's not paying for me to go to college to do something so stupid. he didn't even go to college how would he know? anyway I want to be a doctor. but yeah I don't like blood and guts or cuts and just really any of that. but I want to prove him wrong for once. I really want to be a doctor and I want to make it. I want to be able to say I told you so to him.

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  9. I'm 16 and I'm making the biggest decision in my life that could be my greatest regret. Please tell me your thoughts. I'm begging you. I'm litteraly desperate. People tell me I'm intelligent enough to pursue medicine. And I actually want to be a doctor someday,but I have this thing with blood,surgeries, wounds, and the whole lot. I watched an eye surgery live. Like I was litteraly next to the table where they started the slicing and everything. I didn't pass out,thank goodness. I did have my vision blur and whiten. My blood pressure dropped to the point I had to sit down. I also watched an electo miography (if that is what it's called) and i had the same reaction but worse. I cut myself on the hand and i saw fless,and white stuff(bone,tendon, i dont know). I fainted while i was washing it. Do you think I can handle Medical Technology? And then take up Internal Medicine as a specialization? I have the will and the brains. Can my issue with gore be resolved? Will I be able to be desensitized to stuff like that in med school?
    -Anne (you can email me if you want persassyanne@gmail.com)

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  10. So ... I am 21 currently preparing to study dentistry in the upcoming year. Today I was really close to passing out during an experiment at school. We had to take a simple blood test and I was really excited about it(maybe too excited), but I never thought that watching my own finger while trying to collect some blood would give me such a trouble. The experiment was already done and I was was ready to write my report when I suddenly started feeling dizzy and I had to leave the classroom. After spending the whole day thinking about the incident, I believe that I finally have an explanation to it. Although, I come from a family where being a doctor is almost a tradition, I never really got the chance to come in contact with hospitals and ill people. I have to say it, I have never ever had health issues. So, I reached the conclusion that this, somehow, gave birth to a series of unjustified fears, like for example needles, corpses and ugly wounds. Although, I am not sure I will be able to overcome all of these fears and make it trough this education, I want to try at least. I decided to exercise my fears, especially after reading other students' comments and being confirmed that there is a possibility to get used to it. So, I am definitely motivated to "treat my phobias", and I will simply start by watching surgeries and gross anatomy dissections online. For many this would be a piece of cake ... for others like me, an important step. Wish me luck guys, hopefully, we will all find the right career and turn out to be successful.

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