I'm glad that guy isn't in my class

This summer I got the chance to go to an international medical conference. A bunch of us health professionals all having a good time together. I go with my family and I'm not great at socializing with strangers, especially those my age, so I didn't really talk to much to the other young people, preferring the company of my mom and cousin. I didn't really even notice many of the other people, just that there was a group of people who were maybe around my age that all hung out and that I didn't really feel any need to get to know. But there was one guy in particular that I took an immediate dislike to. Nothing really to do with him, my own biases were going crazy. Basically he was a good looking confident guy in his mid twenties, the kind of guy I love to hate, and by that I mean fall in love with and then manifest it as hatred towards them when they don't notice me. Which is a lot of information about myself, and I actually have a point to this story. About half way through the trip I found out he had just been accepted into medical school. I overheard him saying he was nervous, but in a confident, purposefully self deprecating way. He wants to be an orthopedic surgeon, and he fits the stereotype to a tee. Maybe that'll give you some insight as to why I wouldn't be his biggest fan. I listened to him say all the words I had felt going into medical school, about feeling inferior to those who had gone before me, worrying I wouldn't be any good, fearful it would be too hard and I wouldn't make it out. But his manner was so arrogant while he said it, and it left me reeling. I sat and chatted with another medical student who was heading into his second year. And I liked him ok, I was able to tell him my story and let him know he would make it through ok. I provided some comfort and confidence in him that he would get through it all like everyone else. I had no qualms with him. But ortho guy, I wasn't sure what to do with. Part of me felt it was important for me to go talk to him. I wanted to say "hey, I heard your concerns about medical school and I just wanted to let you know that it's going to be ok." I wanted to give him the address to the blog, or my contact information if he needed anything. But I didn't, and I'm still not sure why. I told myself that it was because my mom was always telling me to stop scaring people before they go into school. She said I'm too negative and I don't need to tell everyone it's going to suck before they even start. I'd heard that from the Dean at my school as well. I told myself I was sparing him unnecessary worry. Maybe he'd start school and excel and really love it. Why dampen his happiness at starting with my negativity at the process? But I don't think those are the real reasons. He's the kind of guy I wouldn't want to be in class with. The kind of guy who knows how to manage himself. He'd never let me see that he was struggling. He would be the kind of guy who makes me feel bad for feeling bad, always talking about how great he is doing and how much smarter he is than everyone else. He's my worst nightmare. That is what I saw when I stood around him or tried to talk to him. Oozing self confidence. So I didn't feel the need to offer him support because I didn't think he'd take it. And I knew he'd look down on me for offering it. In medical school I stood up in the class of first year students and told them how I'd struggled through the first two years and failed the boards but was surviving and if any of them needed me they could just call me any time. And mostly I got good reviews and some thank yous from that. But one guy came up to me a couple days later and said "you do know that you'll forever be known as that girl who failed the boards right?" And I just couldn't believe that he would say that to me. This ortho guy I met, that's how I felt about him. I felt like he would scoff at me and say "really? You failed the boards? That sucks. Sorry medical school was so hard, but I'm about to go rock it." He was the kind of guy that things came really easily to. He wasn't going to struggle in medical school, he was going to love every minute of it, still have a fun life, keep his sanity, and go on into the residency of his dreams. And I'm glad he isn't in my class, since I had my share of those and I don't need another. But he is going to be in class with one of you out there. Some poor struggling student is going to be in a small group with this guy, or someone just like him. Someone you know was popular in high school. Someone who drips with ego. Holds his head up high. And in the process of showing his self worth, brings you down even farther. We call them narcissists here in psychiatry. But their power is undeniable. And it's hard to break free of them. So while I can't stop him from going on and being amazing at medical school, I hopefully can save one of you from feeling crushed by his ego. Maybe I'm wrong about this guy. Maybe he's reading this blog right now thinking: "is she talking about me?! I am terrified! I hate medical school! It's kicking my ass!" If he is, I'm actually sorry. I'm sorry for judging you, and I'm sorry you aren't having such a good time at it. But you'll get through it. No matter how hard it gets, you'll get through. And at the other ends is the good life.