This is for all the medical students out there who didn't understnd that the road to becoming a doctor was four years spent hating their lives. I feel your pain friends
Monday, September 24, 2012
do you really think I have nothing better to do than go to mandatory sessions?
This one is for you, "anonymous!" because that last one really was also for you. You also gave me the inspiration for this latest blog. Something else I'd forgotten I hated about medical school: mandatory sessions and evaluations. It's like they didn't think I was doing anything with my time, so had to fill up any little bits of freetime with extra sessions. Why do they do this? To torture me. I know it is a plot against me.
Seriously though, why do they make everything so freaking difficult? And none of it seems to even matter. At my school we used to have "communications" session, where we had a difficult topic and had to do an interview with a standardized patient to learn how to talk about these difficult issues. I actually kind of enjoyed these sessions, except for the fact that they were ALWAYS the same week as a test. No matter how many time we filled out evaluations BEGGING them to switch days that never changed. I'm not sure how many nasty evaluations I filled out "please schedule these sessions, which are very helpful to our medical education, when we don't have a test the next day so we can actually feel like we are learning and not dreading being there." But alas, no change. At least those sessions were worth my time. I learned something, most of the time. There was the odd time that the facilitator felt he needed to give really specific feedback. Never again will I ask for specific feedback. Seriously this guy wrote down EVERYTHING I said to the patient and then repeated it all to me and judged every sentence. Calm the fuck down dude, I want to go home.
Other sessions you are literally sitting there wondering why anyone thinks any of this is important in any way. We had multiple sessions that were supposed to cover things that we don't really learn while in school. Like hospice care. Or medical billing. Or...nope those are the only two that were even remotely helpful. The others were just sessions where I sat there staring at the wall, wondering why I couldn't go home. Why? Because there might be a sign in sheet passed around, and if your name wasn't on it, there was hell to pay. How did people get through medical school before iPhones? Because without phone solitaire, facebook, and text messaging I would have died of boredom. Also it was nice to get the "get your ass to class there is a sign in sheet" message if you were running late and debating coming. "On my way!" haha.
The worst, worst worst worst though are the small group sessions where your facilitator really feels the need to spend EVERY second of the allotted time. LET ME GO! I don't want to hear any more stories or tidbits of information. I want to go home and stare at the walls and hate my life in privacy. Thank you. Even in residency we have didactics/lectures, and sometimes you just want to strangle the facilitator so that he will shut up and stop speaking so you can go home. And that one person who keeps asking questions. "any last questions?" NO! Everyone shut the fuck up and start packing up, because once you get them started you know they won't stop! And while I can fall asleep in a large lecture hall, it's more difficult to get away with things when there are only four people in the room other than the speaker. They usually notice that shit.
So some things haven't changed since medical school ended. One is my crazy ability to fall asleep at any lecture. Journal club? Why yes I do need a mid day nap. Grand rounds? I actually look forward to them as "naptime." Didactic? Fellow residents have to poke me and throw me gum to chew to keep me awake. Another thing that hasn't changed: my time being taken up by stupid ass "learning opportunities." that I'm sure someone out there finds helpful but I do not. And I will never ever get used to attendings that need to perseverate when I could be going home. Weekends are not time to be teaching! They are time to round and get the heck out of there. The end of the day? Stop talking I want to go home. I don't learn anything at those times. Please respect my need to get home.
But nothing is as bad as medical school, that is for damned sure. I have very minimal complaints about residency, so stick with it friends. And go into psychiatry! That's the life :-)
Good luck and good night everyone!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Aww:) This makes me so happy. I am flattered I inspired an entire blog entry. I swear we must be part of the same school, because this is all too familiar.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the psychiatry part at the end- I feel like that is actually a great position for you. You are obviously very in tune with reality and the fact you even created a blog to share your experiences for other hopeless med students really shows you just want to help. It is funny because I have actually been considering psych as well. And for many reasons. I know that you originally wanted to end up in peds, and I am curious if looking back you are glad you didn't match?
So I am having many issues in med school, but probably the most debilitating problem I havent shared with you, is that I pass out. A lot. Like every time I go to a clinic- a lot. And for absolutely no reason what so ever. One second I am interviewing a patient and I am totally fine, but then out of no where I get really hot. And the I start sweating so bad it literally soaks my scrubs in a matter of seconds. And then I lose my hearing and I want to throw up everywhere. And then my eye sight slowly closes in until nothing is left. And then I am forced to sit down and just hope that nobody is noticing me. It is absolutely AWFUL! and so freakin embarrassing! And debilitating! I was completely fine with dissecting cadavers. Never once had an issue before med school. And now, I cant get through a single clinic without having an episode! Even at a nutrition clinic I nearly passed out while we were just chatting with a Cystic Fibrosis patient about his diet! And at a pathology lab while inspecting an appendix fresh from the OR. And at a primary care clinic looking at a tiny scrape on a womans shin. And at a shelter looking at some homeless man's ginormous cyst on his back. And at an OB/Gyn rotation watching a childbirth- TWICE!!!
It literally takes nothing now, and I am sweating like a freakin pig ready to have a nervous breakdown.
So ya, I HATE medical school for all the same reasons you did, but I am beginning to hate it even more for the fact that I am becoming more and more incompetent everyday and every time I step foot in a clinical environment. My dad has the same problem, and passes out at to the most minor of things. And he was unconscious through all of his children's births- mine being the most traumatic according to his memory because I was a freakin large ass baby.
So Friday was the most recent episode and it also hit me the hardest. I am in a bad place now and would do anything to go back in time and tell myself STOP!!! DO NOT FILL OUT THAT DAMN APPLICATION! YOU WILL HATE IT! BE SATISFIED DOING ANYTHING ELSE! PLEEEEESE! But I cant:( I am so stuck and already almost halfway through school. And the debt! UGH!!! Sad thing is, I enjoy learning medicine for some reason. And I am too scared to make the first move towards dropping out. I know that my intentions were nothing but good going into it, but now I feel like a different person.
So this is probably a problem that very few medical students experienced- including yourself since you managed to get through all the clinicals of 3rd and 4th yr. But I am terrified of the next two years. I would rather save the humiliation and quit while I'm ahead, but I cant seem to make the move. And I wouldn't know what else to do with myself. So I continue to pretend that I have no problems and push them all to the side hoping they wont bother me again. I am actually doing pretty well in my classes again. I just don't really know why I am still trying so hard to become a doctor, if I am not really sure I can do it. Or even if I SHOULD do it:/
It is all so confusing...
Great post. I also hated medical school. Thought you might be interested in looking at my own post on the subject...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.quantumsurfer.blogspot.com/2012/07/virtues-of-cynicism-advice-for-young.html
wow! great post!
ReplyDeleteand what a relief to find your blog! :-D
i HATE med school. I am in my final year now (in Israel).
The sad recognition started during the first clinical year. i hated it. i mean, i like the patients, but everything else bores me to death.
my only mission is to finish this punishment so i can start a residency in psychiatry. psychiatry was, by far, my favorite clinical round (the only five weeks in five years i actually felt like going to school). the first time i actually listened during classes (instead of falling a sleep / playing fruit ninja), loved seeing patients, and got a good grade on the final exam. for once, the doctors loved me (yes, me!)
but now, during the final year, wer'e back to internal medicine rounds. i am suffering. and most of the time i feel like i don't belong here. nobody that i know feels the same. so it's nice to know there is somebody out there...
Had a similar "mandatory" (i.e. irrelevant to your education) session this morning--less than a week before a final, of course. I just found your blog and have read a large chunk; I'm pretty sure we are the same person! After putting up with only 2 years of this B.S., it's impossible not to notice how med school changes your internal wiring--and not for the better. I could rant on about all how broken the US meded system is for hours, but i'll just say that I love you for writing this and commiserate in the future.
ReplyDeleteForgot to add... for Anonymous and OP strongly considering psychiatry-- how frustrating is is that there is absolutely NO COVERAGE during Phase 1, while "medicine" topics like CV disease and infectious disease?? I swear to God, the next lecturer who claims "change in mentation" is the only necessary descriptor for a mental health symptom...
DeleteI've had too many bullshit mandatory activities and still have them. I'm finishing my first year and I really hate medical school. There's no point in quitting now, just because of all the sacrifice I did to get here, but I sure feel like blowing it all off. I'm all about having a healthy life, and it seems kind of fucked up that us, as future health promoters, have to sacrifice our health because there's almost no time for exercising, eating well, or sleeping well, and all mostly because of these bullshit mandatory activities. I know I may not be making much sense but I felt like I needed to deal with my rage and frustration in a healthy way. Glad to hame stumbled on this page.
ReplyDelete