I never realized how important it is to dream until I discovered I’d lost my ability to do so. Ask a child what they want to be when they grow up, and they have such large, vivid dreams that no one can take away from them. When I was a child I wanted to be a princess, and a ballerina, a fashion designer, travel the world, and be a doctor. All I had to do was dream. None of my dreams conflicted with each other, there was always time for all of them, you could be a fire-fighting princess teacher if you wanted to be. All you had to do was grow up. Growing up was the key to fulfilling all dreams.
During the process of growing up, I realized that my dreams did conflict with each other, and my vision became more concentrated and focused. Medical school narrowed down my focus to the business of becoming a physician. Focusing on the moment and succeeding in each of my classes was essential to fulfill my dream of being a doctor, which seemed like such a huge accomplishment in and of itself that I forgot that I could be so much more, and that being a doctor meant so much more than just earning my degree. And when I failed the boards, I felt like becoming a doctor was just that, a dream that was slowly passing me by. But I picked myself up, recognized the weaknesses that had kept me from passing the first time, and worked hard to pass it the second time around. As I continued through my clinical rotations, I was working to reach an endpoint, a fixed goal, instead of remembering all the dreams I’d had for what I would do when I “grew up.”
I started noticing a difference during my pediatric rotations. At first it was unclear to me exactly what had changed. I assumed it was just the magic of being around children all the time; however, I soon realized I was starting to get my dreams back again. And by dreaming big, like a child does, my enthusiasm for my future was renewed. I was excited to see what each day had to bring, what new cases there were to see, and how I could be part of a child’s care. When children shared their dreams with me, I was able to share my dreams with them, and show them that dreaming never has to stop. Now I want to show them that they can fulfill those dreams, maybe with just a few adjustments.
I came to see that during the process of growing up, children’s dreams are slowly stifled. In very young children, we encourage large, intense, somewhat ridiculous dreaming. As kids grow older, parents and society start having expectations of kids that can sometimes restrict their dreams. It’s all part of the process of growing up. But I feel that through medicine I can work with children to keep them healthy so they can continue to dream. Additionally, by living my own dreams, I can provide opportunities for kids to live their dreams.
So while I have accepted that I may never be a fire-fighting princess fashion designing super hero solving mysteries and saving lives, I’m realizing I’ll never “just” be a doctor either. Children believe they can do many things all at once, and by being around children I’m able to hold on to those dreams of being many things at once: a doctor and a teacher; a mother and a therapist and a world traveler. And most importantly, I’ll be saving the world, one child at a time, just like I always knew I was destined to do. Children gave me back my ability to dream, and I now will dedicate my life to giving them everything I can dream of.
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